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Rene Counselling
Rene Counselling
Eye Motion Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy
EMDR is a structured psychotherapy approach that may help when distressing memories or past experiences continue to affect the present. A memory, conflict, message, sound, place, smell, date, physical sensation, or ordinary stressor may bring up a reaction that feels too large for the moment. You may feel on edge, shut down, ashamed, tense, avoidant, disconnected, mistrustful, or caught in a pattern you understand but cannot easily change.
EMDR therapy can offer a structured way to work with distressing experiences and the reactions that remain connected to them. It is not a quick fix and it is not right for every person or every stage of therapy. The first step is understanding what you are dealing with now and whether EMDR fits.
People often look into EMDR when they notice that the past is continuing to shape the present.
You may be dealing with:
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Distressing memories that remain emotionally intense.
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Strong reactions that do not seem to fit the current situation.
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Avoiding certain places, conversations, people, sensations, or reminders.
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Feeling constantly alert, tense, guarded, or waiting for something to go wrong.
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Shame, self-blame, or recurring beliefs such as “I am not safe,” “I am not enough,” or “I cannot trust anyone.”
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Difficulty trusting, feeling close, or staying present in relationships.
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Shutting down, becoming overwhelmed, becoming angry, or people-pleasing during conflict.
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The ongoing impact of betrayal, cheating, loss, bullying, criticism, medical experiences, accidents, family conflict, relationship harm, or other distressing events.
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Feeling disconnected from your body, emotions, needs, or sense of self.
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Sleep difficulties, concentration problems, intrusive thoughts, or patterns of avoidance linked to a difficult experience.
You do not need to decide whether your experience “counts” as trauma before speaking with a therapist. You also do not need to have a formal diagnosis to ask whether EMDR might be appropriate.
This page provides general information, not a diagnosis or individualized recommendation.
What is EMDR?
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.
It is a structured psychotherapy approach that may be used to help people work with distressing memories, present-day triggers, difficult emotions, and unhelpful beliefs that continue to feel connected to earlier experiences.
During EMDR, I may invite you to focus briefly on a memory, image, emotion, body sensation, or current trigger while using bilateral stimulation. Bilateral stimulation can involve guided eye movements, alternating taps, or alternating tones.
The purpose is not to erase your memory or make you forget what happened. It is to help reduce the degree to which an experience continues to feel emotionally overwhelming or active in the present.
You remain awake, aware, and able to communicate throughout the process. EMDR is not hypnosis, and you remain in control of whether to pause, slow down, or stop.
The World Health Organization includes EMDR among psychological interventions that should be considered for adults with PTSD. NICE also includes EMDR among recommended trauma-focused psychological treatments for adults with PTSD. These recommendations support EMDR as an evidence-informed option; they do not mean it is suitable for every individual or that a specific outcome can be guaranteed.
What EMDR therapy may involve
EMDR is not simply a technique added into a session without preparation. A thoughtful process may include:
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Getting to know what is happening now. Therapy begins with your current symptoms, relationships, life circumstances, stressors, goals, supports, and what feels most important to you.
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Considering readiness and stability. Before memory-focused work, it may be important to build skills for grounding, self-soothing, emotional regulation, sleep, boundaries, and coping with distress between sessions.
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Identifying a focus. This might be a particular memory, an ongoing trigger, a feeling, a recurring relationship pattern, or a belief about yourself that has become difficult to shift.
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Using bilateral stimulation. When appropriate, EMDR may use eye movements, alternating taps, or sounds while you notice what comes up internally. The pace is collaborative and adjusted to your needs.
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Integrating the work into present life. Therapy also considers how you are functioning now: relationships, work, sleep, boundaries, self-worth, daily routines, and choices.
A period of preparation is not a delay or a sign that you are failing. It can be an important part of making therapy feel safe and manageable.
EMDR is not right for every situation
EMDR may be useful for some people, but it is not automatically the first step for everyone who has lived through a distressing experience.
The first priority may instead be:
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Increasing immediate safety and reducing current risk.
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Addressing ongoing violence, coercion, instability, or unsafe living circumstances.
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Building enough emotional stability and support to manage difficult material between sessions.
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Supporting sleep, substance-use concerns, severe stress, crisis needs, or daily functioning.
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Considering another therapy approach, a medical assessment, a higher level of care, or a referral that better fits your needs.
This is part of responsible care. A consultation is an opportunity to discuss fit honestly, not a promise that EMDR will be used or that it will be the right approach.
EMDR and relationship patterns
Some people seek EMDR because past experiences continue to affect how they relate to others now.
You may find that you:
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Expect rejection, betrayal, criticism, or abandonment.
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Feel highly alert to another person’s mood, tone, messages, or availability.
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Become overwhelmed, distant, numb, angry, or shut down during conflict.
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People-please, over-explain, or take responsibility for other people’s feelings.
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Struggle to trust reassurance, even when part of you wants closeness.
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Feel intense shame after making a mistake or expressing a need.
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Repeatedly choose relationships that feel familiar but painful.
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Continue to feel affected by cheating, secrecy, serious conflict, or a rupture of trust.
EMDR may be one part of therapy when past experiences are connected to present-day patterns. It is not a substitute for practical work on communication, boundaries, accountability, emotional regulation, or relationship decisions.
If your main concern involves a recent affair, secrecy, relationship repair, or fear of cheating, visit Therapy After Cheating, Betrayal & Relationship Repair. If people-pleasing, over-responsibility, or difficulty saying no is central, visit People-Pleasing, Codependency & Boundaries Therapy.
What a first EMDR consultation looks like
A first session is a conversation, not an expectation that you describe every difficult experience in detail.
You can start with what is affecting you now:
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“I keep reacting as though I am in danger, even when I know I am not.”
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“I cannot stop thinking about something that happened.”
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“I avoid certain things because they bring too much up.”
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“I shut down in conflict.”
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“I feel ashamed all the time.”
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“I am interested in EMDR, but I do not know if it is right for me.”
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“I understand my pattern, but I still feel stuck in it.”
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“I feel like my body is always bracing for something.”
Together, you can discuss:
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What you would like help with.
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What affects you most in day-to-day life.
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Your current supports, stressors, safety, and stability.
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Relevant history at a pace that feels manageable.
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Whether EMDR, another approach, or a combination may fit your needs.
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What practical next step makes sense.
You do not need to know the right terminology or decide on EMDR before booking. The first step is understanding what you need.
Frequently asked questions
EMDR Therapy
Porn
Cheating
People Pleasing
General
Book a confidential consultation
You do not need to decide whether your experience is serious enough, whether it has the right label, or whether EMDR is definitely the answer before reaching out.
If past experiences or distressing reactions are still shaping your present life, a confidential consultation can be a place to begin understanding what is happening and what kind of support may fit.
Book a confidential consultation with Rene Ng, Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying), through the Carepatron portal.
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